USFK same-sex couples await theater-specific benefits

  • Published
  • By Airman 1st Class Ashley J. Thum
  • 51st Fighter Wing Public Affairs
OSAN AIR BASE, Republic of Korea --  Two Airmen - one a clinical social worker who joined to continue a family tradition of military service, and the other an aircraft maintenance officer who wanted to fulfill her dreams of getting an education and traveling the world.

They are a prime example of the typical military couple but for one thing - up until Sept. 3, the Department of Defense wouldn't recognize their union.

Aside from certain privileges specific to those in United States Forces Korea and governed under the Status of Forces Agreement, same-sex marriages now warrant all traditional spouse and dependent benefits - identification cards, join spouse assignments and the like.

Life for couples serving prior to Sept. 20, 2011, the repeal of "Don't ask, Don't tell," and the overturning of the "Defense of Marriage Act" in May, was drastically different.

Dana McCown, retired lieutenant colonel, still remembers the difficulties she and her wife, Capt. Dawn Tanner, 51st Medical Operations Squadron Family Advocacy element leader, experienced in the not-so-distant past.

"We've both been very successful in our careers, but the reality is that we had to make career choices and sacrifices, and pass up opportunities because our number-one priority was to be together," McCown said.

Tanner and McCown met at Kunsan Air Base, Republic of Korea, after Tanner was encouraged by a mutual mentor to seek out a friendship with McCown.

"Memorial Day weekend of 2004 is our anniversary," Tanner said. "It was actually our first date."

Fast forward to the present, and the two have now been married for nearly five months.

"We spent our anniversary week at the place where it all began," Tanner said. "We came full circle."

McCown said one of her favorite memories from their month-long ROK honeymoon is a dinner they shared with friends at the Seoul Tower, where they took part in the local romantic tradition of placing a lock on the tower's fence to symbolize their commitment to each other.

"The lock was a wedding gift from our friends," McCown said. "The experience was amazing."

This show of support from their friends and coworkers reaffirmed their faith in the greater military family. A family Tanner said she now feels she can truly be part of.

"We can be genuine now, we don't have to be so guarded," Tanner admitted. "Before Sept. 20, 2011, I was two people. When people asked about my family, I would change the subject. Now, my outside-the-gate life and my inside-the-gate life have evolved and it's very liberating."

Although service members and their spouses in same-sex marriages can now breathe easier, those stationed in the ROK continue to await theater-specific entitlements.

"Same-sex spouses may register in DBIDS (Defense Biometric Identification System), but we cannot issue ration cards until we receive further guidance from USFK with respect to SOFA," explained Bryan Kwasniewski, 51st Security Forces Squadron Plans and Programs chief. 

Other potential issues could also arise for couples who find themselves based in a location that does not recognize same-sex marriage.

In spite of this, Tanner and McCown share high hopes that today's same-sex couples will be spared the hardships they experienced during their combined 42 years of service.

"I'm very excited for the young folks in today's military," McCown said. "The reality is that being a good military teammate is about having a good professional relationship, but it's also about having a good personal relationship with your peers. It's the marriage of both that makes you a good wingman, and I think now that door has been opened."

Tanner encourages other same-sex couples to continue to strive for increased equality, and to always be proud of who they are.

"To see these professionals from all branches able to talk about their families and not have to worry as we did when we were Airmen is amazing to see," Tanner said. "I'm grateful to them for serving and being themselves. They inspire me."